Welcome to Worst Person of the Week, where we rank the dumbest, most hateful, nastiest people to make news in the past seven days. This week, we've got an awful woman who ran a baby fight club, the crazy guy who employed little girls to sing a propaganda song about crushing America's enemies, a hateful son who pulled a monstrous lottery prank on his mother, and of course, Trump.
As always, we've left out the murderers, terrorists, and future subjects of future true crime documentaries - they're so horrible it's not fair to rank them. Instead, these are the greedy jerks, the unhinged weirdos, the scam artists, and the deplorable dolts who make you wonder what they were even thinking. They didn't kill anyone - they're just terrible.
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Donald Trump
What Happened: Trump took the opportunity at a rally in Florida to publicly berate the poor schlub who set up his microphone, calling them a bastard and a son-of-a-bitch.
The Details: Faced with a balky mic during a Pensacola speech, Trump didn't simply pause to ask for another one, or even work through the popping and static. No, he took out his vengeful wrath on both the stadium employee who set up the microphone, and the microphone itself.
“And by the way I don’t like this mic," Trump declared. "Whoever the hell brought this mic system, don’t pay the son of a bitch who brought it in. [...]No this mic is terrible, stupid mic keeps popping... Don’t pay him. You know I believe in paying but when somebody does a bad job like this you shouldn’t pay the bastard."
Naturally, the crowd erupted in applause.
Richard Lustig
What Happened: The self-proclaimed lottery expert (he's won seven times) appeared on Fox News explaining that in order to win, Powerball players should buy as many tickets as they can afford.
The Details: While he doesn't have a background in mathematics, statistics, or logic, Lustig does appear to have a background in winning the lottery. He even published a book called Learn How to Increase Your Chances of Winning the Lottery. Generally, you do increase your chances of winning the Powerball if you have more number combinations.
The problem is that even with increased odds, the odds are ludicrously small. Your odds of being elected president are significantly higher. Your odds of being crushed by a vending machine are higher. So Lustig's advice that buying as many tickets as one can afford will increase your chances of winning is technically true, it's just false in any practical sense. It also gives false hope to people spending money they don't have in order to win money they'll never see.
Sue Stenhouse
What Happened: Stenhouse was the executive director of the Cranston, Rhode Island Senior Enrichment Center until a bizarre allegation that she made a male staffer wear a wig and dress at a press conference.
The Details: The details of this are still emerging, but it looks like some kind of publicity stunt gone awry. Stenhouse called a press conference to highlight how she cares about the well-being of seniors by hiring local kids to shovel snow in front of the Enrichment Center. So far so good. But Stenhouse took it to the next level by including an elderly woman resident of the Center in the press conference - an elderly woman who happened to be the Center's middle-aged bus driver. Who is male.
According to a Facebook post written by a Stenhouse defender, she didn't want to expose an actual senior citizen to the cold weather. So she put "safety first" and had an employee pose as a resident. Why the employee was told to put on a wig and dress and pretend to be a woman was not addressed in the post. Whatever the case, Stenhouse is out as director of the city agency, removing her ability to demand that underlings cross-dress to improve her optics.
Jeff Popick
What Happened: Popick is the manager of Florida's USA Freedom Kids, and wrote the surreal "Official Trump Jam" called "Freedom's Call" that they performed before a Trump speech.
The Details: A former stuntman turned real estate developer, Popick manages a group of girl singers who perform in American flag-themed outfits. The Freedom Kids performed their patriotic songs in obscurity until they opened up a Donald Trump speech in Pensacola on January 13.
That's when the world got its first glimpse at the Popick-penned "Freedom's Call," a bizarre jingoistic anthem that mashed up the George M. Cohan classic "Over There" with chintzy dance beats. The girls gleefully sang about American values, declaring that "enemies of freedom" will "face the music" and be "taken down." They cutely warned that America must "deal from strength or get crushed every time." There was also a lot of chanting of "USA!" and the exalting of something called "Ameritude."
Critics immediately pointed out that the cheerful song's graphic exultation to destroy all opposition while endlessly chanting "USA!" seemed like something out of a North Korean propaganda parade or Hitler Youth rally, as opposed to an American political speech. Also criticized were the song's strange cadences, scattershot rhyming, auto-tuned vocals, and that it probably stole the melody of the Blondie hit "Heart of Glass."
Two Waffle House Employees
What Happened: Two employees at an Arkansas Waffle House were fired after a video leaked of one appearing to wash her hair in a restaurant sink, with the other helping her.
The Details: The disgustingly unhygienic act surfaced when a customer coughed up a long hair, then saw the woman washing her hair in the sink. Health inspectors were quickly called, and the employees were promptly fired.
Commenters have since suggested that the woman wasn't actually washing her hair, but using hot water to seal hair extensions. This is a common practice with synthetic hair that can't take direct heat. It's still no less of a violation of health codes and common sense, hence the dismissal.
Robins Air Force Base Trap and Skeet Club
What Happened: The shooting club at Robins Air Force Base in Georgia sponsored a "fun shoot" lunch event - for Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday.
The Details: The Trap and Skeet Club paid for a flyer that used a huge picture of Dr. King, a man who was assassinated with a rifle, to advertise an opportunity to shoot targets with a rifle - on the slain civil rights leader's birthday.
While the flyer for the "fun shoot" was quickly pulled after Base officials realized how ghastly and inappropriate it was, the event appears to still be taking place on the 18th.
John Burt
What Happened: New Hampshire state representative Burt penned a long email asking fellow reps not to sign a new policy against sexual harassment because it would curtail his First Amendment Right to tell jokes in sessions.
The Details: Burt and every other member of the New Hampshire state house were sent a form email asking them to sign the newly-approved Policy Against Sexual and Other Unlawful Harassment and Discrimination. Three hours later, Burt shot back with a rambling reply-all imploring reps to not sign the policy, as it was "Political Correctness [sic] gone wrong.”
Specifically, Burt felt that if reps lost the ability to tell sexist jokes on the floor, he wouldn't be able to suss out his fellow lawmakers' true personalities, depriving him of vital debate ammunition. But the policy didn't apply to the floor of the House, and instead was a simple personal conduct policy against sexual, verbal, or physical harassment. This, apparently, was what Burt had a constitutional objection to.
The Worst Son Ever
What Happened: A nursing home employee believed she had won the billion dollar Powerball drawing - until she learned that she'd been pranked by her son.
The Details: With Powerball fever gripping the nation, California nursing home magnate Shlomo Rechnitz bought 18,000 tickets for the employees and residents at his 80 facilities. Sure enough, one of the senior nurses at his home in Pomona got a call from her son with amazing news: her ticket had come up and she'd won over a billion dollars.
The news went public, with a spokesperson for the nursing home identifying the woman as a Powerball winner. Except she wasn't. Instead, she'd been pranked with a fake phone call and ticket by her son, and found out when she got home that night. Rechnitz was appalled by the prank - as was everyone who heard about it - and told the nurse he'd send her on a paid vacation anywhere she wanted. So that's nice.
Sarah Jordan
What Happened: Virgina daycare employee Sarah Jordan was found guilty of 13 felony and misdemeanor charges related to running a "fight club" for children.
The Details: Jordan faces 41 years in prison after being found guilty in a bench trial of spraying children with water, stepping on children's feet, tripping them, and forcing them to fight each other. While Jordan claimed she only sprayed children with water while playing, testimony revealed that children were coming home from daycare with violent attitudes and fears of water.
Jordan and another co-worker were arrested after multiple complaints, and will be sentenced in May. She sat emotionless while the verdict was read, despite parents crying in court.